Why is this a struggle right now?
I feel like God told me to buy a house. The landlord needs to sell this house to get out from under it, and God told me to go look at houses. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I don't like to dream unrealistically because I hate it when it doesn't happen. And I am a mostly-stay-at-home-mom. The idea of finding and falling in love with a house, when finances are not in place, and I can't actually make a bid on it yet, is soooooo hard for me. In December, I was a basket-case because it all just felt like too big of a leap of faith for me. Thankfully my realtor is a Christian and has been very patient with me, my doubts, and my desire to just hide from this at times.
Yesterday, we went to look at just one more house. Even though the financial aspect is still very much a work in progress. On the fourth, this house came down in price so that its in my almost-comfortable range. I had a really good feeling about this one...the pictures for it showed character and my favorite floor plan, plus fenced in outdoor space and excellent schools. The morning went nothing like expected...woke up the oldest daughter to find out the youngest was burning up with fever. Ran her to the minute clinic, and had to ask my realtor to bump our meeting time back a bit. Diagnosis: Influenza A, and need to watch her closely. Ran her home. Ran out to meet my precious realtor. Was in love before I even got all the way through the door. Other than a dishwasher (which has already been brainstormed about...did I mention my realtor also easily sees potential and is great at listening to me ramble about ideas?), everything on my list of wants is present in this house. Including well-maintained, but lots of room for my touch...but doesn't have to be done right away either. Perfect space for indoor and outdoor entertaining...aka small group functions at my house, still. Room in the back for the trampoline and the bonfire pit. Walk to the elementary school and a park. I could even walk to my favorite library if I wanted to, from there. So, yeah...this girl would love to make an offer. Out of all the houses we have already looked at, I haven't taken my girls to see any of them. This one, I can't wait to show them.
OKAY. All that to say, this is stretching me. Not just that Banana is sick, again, but that there are a lot of hurdles to continue to jump through to be able to put in an offer. And I spent all morning on the phone trying to get someone else's actions off of my credit, without accomplishing much of anything. And tried to speak to my mortgage guy, only to get his voicemail. BUT, I firmly believe that God told me to look, that He told me this was going to be happening, that HE IS going to do this with and for us. I don't have the slightest idea how this is going to work. But I want to live like I believe it. Even when I have to ask Him to help me believe. (and thankfully He doesn't mind me asking!). This kind of stretching is not the most comfortable. And sometimes I feel like Noah building an ark when he's never seen rain and everyone around him is telling him he is insane.
Some funs, along this journey. The fact that his kids could potentially be homeless was enough motivation to finally get the ex diligently working on the student loan problem (which lost me so many points I am 4 pts too low to be approved). Today, he finally got the right person, to finally get the hardship forbearance and be considered caught up until April. Another fun, I was offered a part-time job through the company I take house photos for, that gives me a boost of income, weekly. Which will look much better for the pre-approval. I have gotten to dream with my best friend over all of this, and with my realtor, and both are looking forward to seeing how God works out all the little details, helping me to talk, act, and believe like God IS going to be doing this. My adopted mom has also truly helped me in this...especially with mindset and allowing myself to dream and hope. And my faith is growing...in leaps and bounds.
Tomorrow I hit the official 3 year mark from the divorce. And in these last three years, God has done such an amazing work in me and how I look at things. How I talk to and with Him. What I believe. And how much more I can be hopeful. It's been a super hard journey, and I know there are still more hard things to come, because its just part of life. But it has been absolutely amazing to be more observant to what He is doing, and to better know what He is willing to do and able to do. I wouldn't trade any of this for anything.
Daddy God, I am so thankful for all that You have done, are doing, and will do in the future. Please make my life shine so bright for You, as a testament to who You are and what You are capable of. May my life be always useable for You. And may every part of my journey be an encouragement to others and speak volumes for You. Without You, I am nothing. With You, all things are possible. Thank You for never giving up on me, for seeing my potential, and for growing me more and more with each passing day. I love you more than I knew was possible! Amen
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Thanks for the encouraging message!