Finding Peace

If you have followed my blog any time at all, you know that I am not the best person at dealing with change.  And yet, right now...it is all around me again...and I am trying to learn to embrace change and see what I can learn from it.  You also know that I do not like decisions made for me...or to feel as if I had no say in a decision...or that it wasn't clear, or whatever.
So, my life seems kind of in a tail spin right now, and it feels as if I am being watched to see how I am going to handle it all.
You wanna hear how I have been doing with it so far?
Well, there was the trampoline therapy on Saturday.
Then on Sunday, I spent two hours driving all the way around Smithville Lake and getting some photography therapy.  And boy did God show off on Sunday.  The above sun peeking through the clouds pic was one such pic I fell in love with on Sunday.  It played hide and seek with me the whole time I was there.  And in the midst of driving around and just sitting listening to the waves crash against the rocks, there was peace.
You see, I don't have to know what I am doing.  I just have to be willing to be useable and to keep following His lead.  He already knows it all.  He knows exactly what He is doing and how it will all be accomplished and what the purpose is for each bump in the road.  And He knows that I am trying so hard to choose to seek the lessons behind the bumps and to learn and grow.  Especially to grow closer to Him.
So, do I have a clue what is going on right now or why?
Nope!
But in the grand scheme of things...it doesn't matter that I have no answers to the questions.  He doesn't even get mad at the emotions.  He is a big enough God to handle my emotions.  He doesn't even turn the other way when I start crying again (and this week, there is no warning ahead of time)...instead, He pulls me close and He wipes each tear, holding them all in His hands.  And He reminds me that it is all going to be okay.  That He and I together can do this.  All of this.
Yes, sometimes I wonder why in the world He thinks I am "big" enough to handle all of this.  And YES!  I am grateful that I don't have to go it alone!!!  Yes, I doubt myself and have to remind myself again and again and again that He will not ask anything of me that He hasn't already equipped me to handle.
But...  Man, have I said that a lot lately.  But.  Do I really not get to talk things through with my friend?  Is that really something that had to disappear and change...and so fast, without warning?  And on top of that, am I really ready to go back to school...can I really learn how to write papers in a different format and go to school without the personal interaction part?  Really, God?  I really can handle all of this?
I am human!  I doubt my own abilities, a lot...due a lot to what I experienced since the last time I was in college, yes...but a lot. 
But, I don't doubt my GOD!  He is everything that the Bible says He is.  He is way more than I could ever fathom that He is.  He never changes and He can't lie.  So promises in the Bible like Jeremiah 29:11-14 and Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:13 and all the ones in between, before and after...they are all TRUE.  Because they were His words.  Regardless of what author He used to pin the words...they were all inspired by HIM...spoken by HIM...and HE cannot lie!  So they will all come true.  And I can count on them!
And that is another way that I find peace DESPITE the chaos, confusion, doubts, and wonderings.  His word.  And reaching towards Him.  Praising Him with my mouth even tho I have no clue what I am doing...maybe its more like praising Him because I have no clue on my own.  And being thankful...for the confusion that points me back to Him...keeps me at His feet.  Broken and useable.  Made into something new.