Restless...

It's Friday.  And one of the very few Friday nights where I will have no kiddos and could just go out and be with adults.  But, the person I want to spend the evening with and I are still off.  I so much wanted to send a text today that said...bonfire...my house...just you and me?  But I didn't have the guts to send it, because its been an emotional week and I just don't have what it takes for it to be ignored or rejected.  So, I sit here...all restless wishing that things were different.  Almost wishing for a fast forward button to get to the other side of this.  And then remembering that God keeps telling me that the process is important here.  If I fast forward, I lose everything I am supposed to learn in the process.
On a day where the baby only slept for 15 minutes, three times today, and when I was attempting to write a paper, and a half day for the girls, on top of all the emotions and fallout...I can actually understand why someone might want a drink and friends to just get away from it all and relax.  (and for those of you who know me...that is pretty big...because I don't drink...) 
"Off" is not a comfortable place to abide in.  It can create restlessness.  It can create ulcers, too, but we won't go there.  I am in the middle of a big journey.  I don't know what the path looks like or how long it will take, but I know the author of the steps that are meant for me to take.  And even in the times of restless, I need to trust...and allow Him to do His thing.
Maybe I will just use tonight and tomorrow during the day to edit today's paper and read a good book.  Can't go anywhere because the car is being loaned out for a good cause.  So, I will just try to find peace again, and trust that God knows what He is doing, why He is doing it, and how He is going to use every part of this for my good.