Over the past year, God's presence has been everywhere! We are currently halfway through November of 2010 and last year at this time I was a mess. My husband of almost 10 years (Christmas Eve anniversary) decided that the man I married was not the man he wanted to be and away he went again. To say that I was crushed and broken would have been an understatement.
BUT!!!
God had me in a church where the girls and I were loved on with no expectations when we needed it most. God had miraculously brought that to be in ways that only He could have done and when needed most. And the people of this church went out of their ways, again and again, to be there for us. We were allowed to be real, to cry with no looks (even compassionate ones were more than I could handle at that stage). We were encouraged and uplifted. We were prayed for. I cried at the altar more than once, and with different people coming up and praying with me each time. We were surprised with monetary gifts in times where it would have been easier for them to just use it for their own families. We were supported by others buying bags just when we needed groceries to fill an empty fridge. And they continue to support us by allowing us to still recieve emails that keep us feeling like we are still a part of things and by sharing comments on facebook.
God filled our lives with friendships from all over. Through blogging and facebook I have had the encouragement and support from people all over the place. One of my biggest supporters over this past year is in Tennessee. I have blogging friends in that state as well that have ordered quilts from me to support me and keep me sidetracked and busy. I have comments left on my blog from people I have never met but whom have left just the right comment just when needed most. Inspirational and encouraging and they don't even actually know me. One blogging friend sent money last Christmas because God told her that I needed it more than her family did. (And that is something God has done over and over). There are some days that I do not get to see another adult, but I will have had conversations on facebook or on the phone that will make that not so blaringly obvious. God has used all that communication between friends in ways that I can never express in words what it meant.
God kept my mouth shut...a LOT. For which I am especially thankful. He kept reminding me that the best thing I could do for myself and my girls was to not become BITTER and to not talk about their dad in ways that would hurt them more than it could ever hurt him. He taught me over and over that keeping the thoughts between me and Him, and more importantly giving all the hurt and anger and words to Him, was the best thing I could do. That He alone would make it all work out and that my words weren't going to do me any good, but could increase the hurt. He alone gave me the power to just keep my mouth shut. To allow others to get things off their chests without me adding to the mess and making it even worse. There is a lot of freedom that He gave me in that...that I didn't have to feel guilty about making a bad situation worse. Not that I was able to keep my mouth shut always, but boy are there so many things I am glad I never said!
God has proven Himself to me over and over. He is my Confidant, my Best Friend, my Provider, my Great Physician, my soul's every desire. I literally am nothing without Him. Over the last year He has shown Himself to me in so many more ways than I ever even realized He wanted to be for me and to me. He has enabled me to keep all the bills I am responsible for, paid up. Not always the way I thought, but they are all up to date. He has provided outlets for my creativity and to keep me busy. He has always been there every time the tears were so overwhelming. He holds each tear in His hands. He knows me from the inside out and fills me with such value that only HE could. He has been there for it all. He knew it was all going to happen. He knew everytime my body would fail me this year, repeatedly, and how discouraging that would be. And He knew all the doctor bills that would rack up and how they would get paid or forgiven. He gave me the ability to just keep getting out of bed, get the girls ready for school and out the door in time. And then to remember to pick them up on time and not forget them (and on some of these days that has been a huge miracle in itself). He knows how frustrating it is to me when the memory I am trying to find will just not come to me and the chunks that are missing. And so far, He has helped me to remember the ones I need to, although sometimes as much as a week or so later. He went to the doctor with me two weeks ago and held me as I went through a whole new set of emotional roller coasters waiting for test results and being in pain physically that is still not explained yet. And He provided answers that were not expected and results that were clean.
I can not say enough about the God that is able. There is nothing that He cannot do. No trench He is not willing to walk through with us. He is by our side. Never leaving us, even if/when we turn our backs on Him. He piggybacks us when we are unable to take another step. He surrounds us with His love.
No....life is NOT easy. There is so much about it that make us want to hide under the bed and never come out. But if we did, we would miss seeing Him at work all around us. So often we miss it anyways in our busyness. He is faithful. And I am so thankful that He chose me!
