17 Years in the making

17 years after beginning my college journey, I finally walked across the stage...to get my B.A.  
I started off trying to get an degree in Early Education...but ended up that just wasn't for me.
The thing that got me finished, and actually excites me...Psychology.
The difference...oh, just a 4.0 GPA, enabling me to graduate Sunday, October 14, 2012 with my BA in Psychology, Summa Cum Laude, and with two different honor society tassels.
One of these days, maybe I can write up what the whole weekend was like...but for now, I have a super tough class to finish up so that this can all be 100% final and official.  And this week of homework is heavier than any other weeks I have had.
So...a teaser if you will... 35 years old, and finally graduating.

Just me

As humans, we have a tendency to make assumptions and jump to conclusions.  Very rarely are we good at looking beyond first impressions or trying to walk in others' shoes.  We all can think of times where we were personally hurt by being on the receiving end of this, but I know that I do not always notice when I am doing my own snap judgments.
Where am I going with this?
It is way too easy to look at someone's facebook posts and think that you know what is going on in their lives.  But in my case (I don't claim to speak for anyone but myself here), I use facebook to help me refocus on the thankfuls, trying to be encouraging and uplifting, or asking for prayer support.  I don't put my hard times out there for anybody and everybody to see.  I have various levels of friends...and various levels of how much I share with the people around me.  And I have a desperate need to dwell on the positives instead of the negatives.  So if you judged me purely on my status updates, it would be easy to jump to the conclusion that nothing hard must ever happen to her, because its not shared.
Reality...that is not possible.  Every one on the face of the planet has struggles, times of doubt, trying situations, and downpours that threaten to wipe them of their feet.  I am no exception.
A peek into my life this week would reveal a woman who spent four hours in the ER on Sunday, the last 14 days in her house trying to get her health back, is dealing with insecurities, whose concussion seems to have knocked a screw loose, who is worried that she won't be able to handle this last class, who has had to rearrange all of her expectations for graduation and give up on the idea of throwing herself a senior prom, and who is finally cleared from the concussion to drive but whose car has to go in the shop for some extensive repair.  There's your peek. 
All that to say this...over the last three years God has been doing a mighty work in me.  I don't view life the same.  I am not the same person.  Over and over and over He has given me a myriad of opportunities to learn to trust Him, leave everything in His hands, have hope despite the hard knocks of life, to focus on the blessing among the pain, and to know that I know that I know that He is in control and can make beauty out of ashes.  I daily (sometimes minute-by-minute) CHOOSE to dwell on my blessings and give Him the time to work things out.  I struggle.  It's not easy.  I don't have a clue how some of this can work out or what life will look like tomorrow...but I know that He is there for me and will NEVER leave me.  He will not give up on me or leave me stuck in all of this.  The hard things in life are temporary and pale in the light of eternity.
Obedience to God has been one of my biggest struggles and biggest blessings at the exact same time.  And He honors every time we make the effort to follow Him in obedience.  It is always, always worth it.  And His timing is so much different then mine.
So, no...I am not perfect, and my life is not easy.  I am dealing with really trying times, just like everyone else.  But I am determined to be the one in control of my reactions and to focus more on what He is doing and the blessings He has all around me.  And I don't want to do a single thing to make someone else's life harder or to bring them down.  I want to use my life to be an encouragement to those around me and a testament of what God is doing in and around me.  I choose to be happy in Him, rest in Him, and leave it all in His hands...which allows me to live in His peace that passes all understanding.
That's just who I am and who He is helping me to be.

Seriously?!?

I love to make people laugh...and  right now there just seem to be so many things that make me stop and go, Really?  Seriously, Becky?!!?
So I thought I would do my own top ten...

10.  I seriously made this comment on Saturday... "Thank you Pumpkin Fairy!" after the mess on the dining room table was cleaned up. 
9.  The motivation of homework to work on got me out of bed on Thursday.
8.  I couldn't even sit up on Wednesday last week, but had to be told by two mothers and an ER doctor before I realized exactly how sick I was, and why all I could handle was resting...
7.  Three days out of the ER, and my arm just now decides to break out in a dermatitis rash in reaction to the IV, tape, and stuff pumped through my body on Sun.
6.  The concussion caused some crazy confusion, but I was still trying to be super mom, and deal with stuff that was beyond my control and that I wouldn't have even attempted to try to deal with before...finding myself having to apologize to anyone brave enough to hang out with me.
5.  I haven't been able to sew in a month or so, and just realized this morning how much I have been missing it.
4.  Knowing the baby was coming today filled me with excitement.  Not sure anyone else can say that babysitting makes their day?
3.  The idea of driving again makes me so excited I think it raises my blood pressure.
2.  I think I am absolutely hilarious around 8 o'clock every night, but I am the only one that laughs at my jokes.
1.  Someone pranked me by ordering a wedding magazine for me, it was brought into the house by my best friend, and I didn't even notice it for days.

I don't know if any of the rest of you can say that your life looks anything like the ten things I just shared (although my friend Betsy has some of the weirdest things happen to her, and her stories make my list pale in comparison).  But you almost just have to laugh.  And there is so much healing in laughter (although I don't recommend it with a concussion headache...that causes leaky eyes).
To keep the top ten going...

Top ten thankfuls for today.
10.  Random encouragement from friends.
9.  Instant messaging my Tenn mom, and knowing she won't give up on me even if I am acting completely out of character.
8.  Reminders that God's promises will always be true.
7.  Phone call just to check on me.
6.  Laughing with friends, even if its just through the internet and you know both parties are cracking up in their own houses.
5.  Losing myself in pinterest, just because.
4.  Phenomenal Christian fiction that can hold even my impaired attention.
3.  Nap time.
2.  Children's smiles.
1.  A God who never gives up on me, and is never far away!

Determined to be thankful anyways

Okay, so in case you haven't caught it lately, I went from the crazy heart-breaking drama to being sick as a dog.  I am in my 8th week of a cough that won't quit, but mainly happens when I am trying to walk around.  And in my 11th day since getting a rather nasty concussion.  Six days into the upper respiratory infection rearing back up severely and have made two trips to the ER in a seven day period, as well as being put on a super strong antibiotic in the middle of the two trips.  On top of all that, I finished up my second to last class without even falling behind or having to ask for extensions, in fact having all the homework turned in three days before class ended.  I have been unable to do much of anything other than rest in the 11 days, but especially in the last six.  To be brutally honest, the fight has been so draining that my body was ready to call it quits. 
All that to say this...I am determined to overcome this too...to get healthy again...to not miss walking for graduation in two weeks, and to recover from the concussion enough to be able to drive again.  And one of the ways that I have learned to over come is to put it all in God's hands, and keep doing so everytime I take it on again, and to find things to be thankful for.
So today's list:
being able to take pics of my daughter and her best friend working on a pumpkin and flying in the air on the trampoline, before having to rest again on sat.
having amazing friends that have come along side me, driven me where I needed to go, helped with the girls, and sat with me in the hospital.
getting ready to start the very last class in the morning.
having the crazy support of my parents even when I am definitely overreacting...and mom's ability to calm me down.
being forgiven and understood by friends who realize that I am NOT myself right now, and not thinking clearly
being checked on...that is an amazing feeling that I do not take for granted.
having the first day in 10 that my head and/or lungs are not causing insane amounts of pain.
that the babysitter yesterday helped the girls to clean up the kitchen.
bonfires.
chats with Naomi and Wanda.  (lifesavers, literally, over the last few weeks)
the patience and wisdom and strength of my best friend.
working towards reconciliation and restoration.
the fact that my girls are very good at entertaining themselves.
the first school pictures we have ever gotten...H got a full package because I helped with picture day at school.
cherry coke.  chex mix.  and Kix cereal
my recliner, my Bible, and my computer.
cooler weather and open windows...sometimes the closest I get to being outside.

There is always so much to be thankful for.  And I am determined that I am not going to sit around and pout just because this is dragging on so long.  I am determined that it is not going to kick me and keep me down.  And I have an amazing amount of prayer support backing me up...so this is totally do-able.  One day at a time.