At all times

This scripture has sometimes been overwhelming to me, and other times it is something that challenges me.  To be cheerful and thankful no matter what happens, and pray all the time, is not the easiest thing to accomplish.  But I have discovered it makes a HUGE difference in my life.  I have learned that I have control over my reactions, and when I choose to find the positives among the hards, and to be thankful in the midst of the challenges, changes my entire outlook on life.
God doesn't want us to be miserable or confused.  He wants to help us to be cheerful in all things, thankful no matter what is happening around us, and in prayer with Him constantly because that is when we are most powerful and useable.  That's when His grace and mercy shine through us in amazing ways.  That is when people look at what we have and wonder what they are missing out on.  That's when we have incredible opportunities to share what He is doing in our lives.
I know what it is like to go through some hard things.  I have lived a life that has had some unspeakable things happen in it.  But through out it all He is still God, He never changes, and He is still good.  How can I say that, even as I am walking through yet another heart breaking season of life.  Because His promises for me are still true, and I can see His hand at work in the midst of it all.  Are we struggling right now? yes.  Do we cry easier right now then normal? Yes.  But we are also watching closer to see what He is doing...and as we watch, we are getting to see Him use our pain to come alongside others who are struggling...use our pain to make us grow more in Him...using our pain to help us pray more often together and ask that His will be done.  And honestly, that is priceless...and redeems the pain in my eyes.  It doesn't make the pain any less real and raw...but it makes it worth it!  God is GOOD!  all the time...in all things.

To my best friend...

Dear friend,
You know we are going to make it, right?  That this is just another mountain to climb and conquer.  And once we get to the top, we will be at a much healthier, more God-honoring spot.  That He will see us through this and receive all the glory.
Trust me, I know it hurts right now.  We were two peas in a pod, and our lives were so very intertwined.  Nights like last night, its so raw and painful that I just go home and sob until I cry myself sick-- literally.  But we are still in transition.  Still fighting to find balance and health.
I still pray for you every day.  Maybe even harder now then I did before.  God keeps reassuring me that He has a plan and a purpose for all of this pain and heartache.  That He won't waste a second of it.  All of this has driven me straight into His arms with a craving for more of Him then I have ever experienced before, and I pray the same for you.
Each time I catch a glimpse of your pain, it tears me to the core, knowing the role I played in causing this pain.  I never meant to hurt you.  I only ever have wanted to see you be happy.  Its so hard to watch right now, because you don't seem to be doing any of the stuff that makes you smile.  I miss hearing you talk about all the ways you are serving God and doing things for others...that's where you truly are happiest.  I miss hearing and making you laugh.  I miss all the random stories, tidbits, and jokes.
I still believe that we brought the best out of each other.  We made a great team that God used to get things done.  You helped me to lose my need to be so scheduled and helped me want to learn and do new things.  You helped me learn to trust again.  You have always been a blessing -- even when I was confused.  You helped me to always remember that God is in charge and dreams big for me.
I hope I was good for you, too  We loved watching as you began to smile and laugh more.  Rejoiced with you over accomplishments and blessings.  A lot of our favorite memories over the last two years have you in the middle of them.
We are amazed by the man we've seen God create in you and appreciate the chance to watch as He has brought you some healing and a renewed sense of purpose and wholeness again.  And it kills me to think that my lack/failures may have set you back a few steps.
I don't have a clue what the future holds or if we will still be close after we scale this very rough season.  But I know without a doubt that God has some crazy big plans for your life and that He is even now preparing you to step into the potential He put into you when He created you and chose you to be His son.
I pray the best for you.  I pray His blessings over all aspects of your life.  And no matter what, I will always cherish the moments where our paths crossed.
May you always grow in the grace and knowledge of the One who will always love you more than humans can comprehend!
Your friend,
Becky

Why does feeling overwhelmed ignite desire to run?

In a time where the government is shut down due to arguing adults that can't come to decisions, and people who are hurting cause pain to themselves and those around them, overwhelmed feelings run rampant.  The reaction to feeling overwhelmed has many many different faces/choices, causes ripple effects that can blow you away.  (this post in no way is trying to be political...just pointing out something that is causing a lot of people to feel overwhelmed).
In our own lives, those effected directly by the government shut down, or by any number of factors that trigger the feeling of overwhelmed-ness, we make choices every time we react.  My reflex in overwhelmed moments is to want to RUN.  And there is quite a bit happening in my personal life that has me overwhelmed.  Struggles, unknowns, friends who are upset at you and lashing out without even realizing it, bumpy roads of what is best/healthiest for my little family, and the overwhelming, always-there, underlying knowledge that my girls have to live with the choices and decisions I make. 
That by itself, can sometimes keep me grounded, and keep me from running.  Because I am supposed to be guarding their hearts and protecting them to the best of my ability.  The people I chose to hang out with, my children end up being with.  The places I go, they go with me.  The emotions I feel, they end up feeling too.  While this can be a lot of pressure, its also a great motivator to keep growing, seeking God, and trying to stay on the path He knows is best for me.
But in this journey of life, we are not guaranteed that the people around us now will still be on our path later.  If we are actively growing, and moving forward, that momentum actually moves us down our path.  Relationships are often seasonal.  Because of free will, not everyone is moving...forward or backward on their path.  It causes a feeling of being walked away from at times.  But in the effort to keep growing and being on God's path, there is movement.  And you cannot drag your friends with you if they don't want to move.  I am a firm believer in letting people move at their own pace...but the hurt that accompanies moving away from friends is very real.
Right now, I am fighting to bring balance and health back into our lives.  ANd in that fight, it seems to be moving me away from friends I hold very dear.  And I am hurting that they don't seem to want to walk the same path (for lack of a better way to put it) anymore.  But the desire to be healthy, to not get stuck, and to be open and surrendered to whatever God has for me is so strong.  Outside of continuing to pray, I don't see that I have any clear choices right now but to just let go.  And if you know me at all, that is NOT easy for me.  It feels like giving up.
But in all of this, God has said He is working.  For me to watch and see what He is doing.  So I also choose to trust.  With all of it.  Because He knows where everyone is.  He is God and I am not.  So...open hands...to whatever He wants to do.  Letting go.  Being silent and listening to Him.  Watching what He is doing.  Just being His.  And praying that His power will be present in my life, in my small groups, in my church, in my home, in my city, in this world we live in.  Prayer is powerful...and it overcomes my overwhelmed feelings and desire to run.

It's the Little things

When life pulls a switcheroo, and everything changes in the blink of an eye, for whatever reason, the little things become bigger...draw your attention more.  Because in those moments, there is hope, something to cling to, something to see as positive to get you passed the moment's struggle.
Lately, we have been trying to make sure we are celebrating the little things more, making sure they don't slip by unnoticed.  Because life is so very different right now.  Every day, I am trying to catch my thoughts before they run away with me or cause me to bawl at the drop of a hat.  To turn those thoughts to Christ and what He has done for me.
If I weren't trying so hard, I would be curled up in a ball on my bed, because this change hurts and feels in my face and like a chunk of me is missing.  I miss the easy way it was before I spoke up, although if I am being very honest with myself, there were days scattered among the easy that were beyond hard, too, I just didn't allow myself to dwell on them.  ANYWAYS...
In trying to celebrate the little things, today had some fun ones.
My best gal pal helped me to change my brake light so that I didn't have to pay the dealership $39 to change a light bulb.  Because to me, that is beyond ridiculous!
I walked into a room today, and a male acquaintance literally did a double take...looked at me talking to another person, looked away as if he was going to keep on going, and then looked back, and even said outloud "girl, you are looking great today" or something like that.  It was actually pretty humorous...and the most fun part about it, I didn't have a lick of make-up on and was in a t-shirt and jeans.  Now that is a fun moment!
Another "little" thing, that at this point in time is actually a big thing.  Ms. Banana got ready for school this morning AND in the car and into school without a major fit.  Or clinging in a moment of separation anxiety...the recent changes brought on a whole new round of separation anxiety that causes her to cling to me so much that just hearing me dig the keys out of my purse causes her to cry out in a wobbly "where are you going, mommy".
And I was able to get the invitations made and mailed out today for the big leap of faith God asked of me, that will hopefully result in some much needed reconciliation in my family after the big blow up last year.  I don't know if it will work or not, but He asked, and I am doing my best to do as He asked.  I've learned the hard way that obedience in those cases is always the best idea.  I really like this "little" thing that is a step towards a big thing.
What do you do to celebrate the little things?  Do you help your kiddos to learn the importance of taking time to celebrate and acknowledge them?  Have you noticed that celebrating them can change the mood you are in as it reminds you of blessings?
It's almost Thanksgiving time of year again...one of my favorites...and celebrating the little things also helps me to have a grateful attitude, which is one of the fastest pick-me-ups I know of.

Choice: to look at the storm or at the Son

Today, we were enjoying the backyard, the cooler weather, and a bonfire.  It's been an roller coaster of emotions as we seek balance again, and life has been tough.  In fact, while I was bawling my eyes out during worship today, it reminded me a lot of the crazy emotional overload right after the divorce.  At that point in time, I couldn't make it through a single song without bawling and had friends that would just put their arm around me and let me cry as the words of the songs, and the depth of Christ's love for me, would wash over my brokenness.  I realized today that I am pretty much that raw and broken again and it truly shook me up. 
But brokenness isn't a bad thing...and God helped me see that this afternoon.  It doesn't feel good, but in the midst of it, He has my full attention.  He can very easily grow me and build me into what He wants me to be because I am seeking Him more fully.  He has this amazing opportunity to shine through my brokenness in a way that others can see, and the glory goes to Him alone.  Not only that, but I am also listening more closely to what He is saying to me as I beg Him to heal the brokenness once again and make me a vessel He can truly use. 
I was looking at the sky when I was journaling, and from the viewpoint I could see from my chair, it looked like a storm was coming through.  All grey, overcast, with clouds that take up the whole sky but aren't pretty or fluffy.  But then I saw that not far from me was sunshine.  So I got out of my chair to be able to see what had been over my shoulder the whole time.  And on that side, the viewpoint was completely different.  By turning around, I could see some amazing bright white clouds that looked regal and majestic.  The sun was shining bright and the sky was a gorgeous blue.  God spoke to me right there... "daughter of Mine, there are always two ways to look at things.  You can choose to focus on the hards/bad/storms, or you can turn yourself around and look at the beauty/happies/blessings/Son.  It's a choice, much like the way I react.  And it greatly effects my reactions.
When I choose to look at the blessings of life, and what He is doing in and around me, my focus changes and it shifts my entire outlook and emotions.  It puts me back to focusing on Him and being expectantly hopeful.  I'm not saying its easy by any means, but its possible.  And the more I look to Him, depend on Him, seek Him, listen for His voice, the less I am effected by the ups and downs of life...the more I am reassured that He's got this and is working...the more I trust Him with the hard things.
I think this blog has become a place to remind myself of what I am learning...what He is doing...and how I can just focus on being His daughter and letting Him take care of it all.  He has a plan...for each of us...and a purpose that He created us for...a ministry that makes our heart sing and shows Him to the world.  And as we seek Him, He reveals that to us and uses us in ways we could have never thought possible.  True hope!