30 Things, Day 4... tell my 16 year old self...

4.  List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

1.  You don't have to have a boyfriend to be happy.  In all reality, you can accomplish more for God when not sidetracked by feelings for a guy.  And you don't have to be looking for a guy.  When the timing is right, God will reveal those details to you.  Don't waste time being sidetracked when you could be serving God instead.

2.  Make lots of friends, of every shape and size, and be friendly yourself.  Don't miss out on what might be a great friendship by shyness, judging a book by its cover, or fear of what others might think.

3.  The only opinion that really matters in life, is God's.  As long as you are good with Him, life truly is good.

4.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  God has all the details under control.  Just do your best and keep moving forward.

5.  Your parents are going to end up being your life-long best friends.  Treat them with respect and do them the courtesy of listening to what they have to say.  They truly are wiser!

6.  Do not fall into the arms of the first guy that looks at you with love/lust in his eyes and do not hang out with any guy, all by yourself, especially not at their apartments/homes.  It will save you years of heartache and confusion later.

7.  Decide now that your siblings are your friends.  God hand-picked y'all for each other and not many people can say that they have five other people with so much shared history.  Love on them completely.  Do not judge.  Accept them unconditionally.

8.  Life is going to throw you some major curveballs.  The important thing to remember is that God is going to carry you through it all.  Spend time with Him daily.  Talk to Him and give Him time to talk back to you.  He wants to talk to you on a daily basis.  And He loves you and delights in you!  Figure out a way to truly understand that.  Your life will never be the same after that sinks in.

9.  Start saving now.  You just started working and growing a little more independent.  Start putting aside money now, because its a good habit to make and life is expensive.

10.  You are going to have two of the most beautiful little girls in the entire world, who are going to be looking up to you and depending on you for everything.  You are blessed beyond belief.  You have every reason in the world to be thankful.  Choose now to foster an attitude of thankfulness, because you are going to draw on that for the rest of your life.

30 Things, Day 3...describe...

3.  Describe you relationship with your parents.

     I have to say this one is kind of fun for me to do.  You see, as a teenager, I didn't make the best of decisions and if you had asked me in my 18-19 year range I would have to describe my relationship with my parents as rocky, stormy, and strained...that I had broken their trust and at one point thought I had killed the relationship.  However, one good thing that has come with all the years that have built up since then is a redemption of that relationship, and a complete change.  My parents are currently my biggest cheerleaders, sounding-boards, and friends.  I talk pretty much everything through with my mother, who shares it with my father, and then when we talk again, I get to hear whatever new input there is from their discussions.  My mother was a very important model of what a woman who is trying to completely live for God looks like and one of the biggest prayer warriors I have ever met.  My dad, after my divorce, began to start reading me better then I sometimes read myself, and has been really quick to share a hug or tell me he loves me...something I don't remember much of growing up.  Retirement, in my opinion, has brought out the best in my parents and I do greatly respect their opinion and take on things.  In the future, whatever man God has for me, is going to have to take the time to build up a relationship with my parents and let them get to know him, or it just isn't happening.  They are an important part of me, and it is important to me to spend time with them and show them respect.  That being said, one of the other things I most appreciate about my parents is the fact that they will not tell me what to do, instead they will pray with me about things, and express concerns, but that is kind of where they draw the line.  They raised us to know that once we were out of the house, we were still emotionally supported and they wanted to be there when we wanted, but they were not going to intrude or force their opinions or presence on us.  They also modeled for us that there is a lot of joy to be found in giving...and it was common to hear them express that "you can't out give God, but you sure can have fun trying".  The Christian foundation that they laid for me is priceless and I am extremely thankful for the friendship that I have with my parents...especially knowing that they are continually lifting me and my girls up in prayer.

30 Things, Day 2...3 legitimate fears

2.  Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

 I always thought that when I got older my fears would lessen or I at least would not become afraid of new things, but life has disproved that idea for me.  In my adult years I have definitely gained fears that I would have never even guessed at before, and am choosing to talk about just the more recent fears as my three.
a)  This one I just discovered the past weekend.  Although I played ball with my brother for hours and hours on a daily basis growing up, that was with a tennis ball and plastic bat.  Last year for his birthday, I went to his baseball themed bday party, and was the pitcher for 2 1/2 hours so that everyone else could hit.  I did just fine with the softball, and no glove (you don't have to wear a glove when you play with a tennis ball) until the last two minutes.  The last one of his wife's nephews comes up to bat.  For the first time that afternoon, I did not recite my little spiel of do not hit the pitcher.  He hit the pitch...line drive coming straight at my chest.  So reflex kicks in and I put my right hand out to protect my chest.  Smashed the nerve endings in my palm, and had at least a month before all the swelling and stuff went down enough to function properly.  So this year, facing the upcoming bday party, I decide to learn how to use a baseball glove to prevent a repeat (because it is after all me that we are talking about).  Got out there with some friends from my single's class at church, and discovered that not only am I afraid of the ball hitting me, I also kind of squeal now and jump back.  Not very pitcher-like behavior.  And if it was annoying to me, just think how entertaining it was to the guys.  Will be working on un-learning this fear!!!
b)  The second more recent fear is that of poison ivy.  Two springs ago, after moving into this rental house, I discovered how incredibly miserable getting poison ivy is, and I was covered from head to ankle.  It was so blistered and raised that moving and circulation were very much hindered and I had to have assistance to shower and keep medicine on it.  Miserable stuff.  I don't wish it on my worst enemy (and don't have any enemies anyways!).  Oh, and the picture above is of beauty in the midst of poison ivy...that spot is where we have been fighting the poison ivy the hardest, and this beautiful sprig of color is growing in the middle of it.
c) My third fear is that I will get stuck in my yuck...or that God will get tired and give up on me.  He has been reassuring me and growing me in this area especially.  He keeps reminding me that He will never give up on me and that He will always walk right beside me, helping me to make it through anything and everything that comes my way.  As long as I am walking in Him, He will help me to keep growing and moving forward, refining me and keeping me from getting stuck!
I love that God cancels out my fears.  That knowing Him enables me to work through them and get over them.  There is so much safety and freedom found in a relationship with Him!

30 Things, Day 1...20 random things

Day 1:  List 20 random things about myself.

1.  While I do not like my own laugh, I love to laugh and make others laugh!  Hearing the words "you crack me up" spurs me on to further think of things to make my best friends laugh.  I believe there is a lot of healing power in laughter!

2.  I am a psych major...but do not want to psychoanalyze anyone.  I just want to do social work and help people make the most of what they have been handed in life.

3.  I am very wordy, the total opposite of one of my best friends who prefers yes/no answers.  You would think I would refrain from asking yes/no questions, but I firmly believe in giving everyone the freedom to be themselves.  So while I tease about the yes/no answers, I have not stopped asking questions that allow for them.

4.  I am a firm believer in the idea that guys and gals can be just friends...even if other people do not believe so.  And that boundaries are important but at the same time need to be flexible.

5.  There is nothing in the world that compares to a living relationship with God...and I am oftentimes caught wondering why anyone would want to walk this often times hard road of life without Him by their side.

6.  I don't mind writing papers or reading textbooks.  To me, college is a privilege that I do not take for granted and I don't mind the time that I have to put in to get the good grades (most of the time).

7.  Having said that, I am still blown away by the grades that I currently have and sometimes cannot believe it!

8.  I have two gorgeous daughters that bring out the best in me and the worst in me, and I wouldn't trade them for absolutely anything.  They give me a reason to keep on going and striving to be more like God everyday.

9.  I firmly believe that God can use every hard thing that we ever go through in life to grow, mold, and refine us, and that He does not allow anything to be wasted when we are walking with Him.  I would rather learn from it this time, anything and everything that I can learn, then have to keep relearning the same life lessons over and over.

10.  I am happiest when I am helping others or at the very least being an encouragement and speaking positively.

11.  I have seen the power of prayer at work in my life and the lives of others and think that one of the greatest joys in life is praying for those that I care about!

12.  Friendships require work, active give and take, and are incredibly rewarding especially if you work through hard things together.

13.  That being said, God is having to teach/help me not to want to run away when things get hard.  For some reason, that has become a normal response to people assuming bad things about me...escape while you can.  And I must not have this one down yet, because there have been so many things that have evoked the "flight response" lately.  God has been helping me to stand my ground, cling to Him, and leave it all in His hands, rather than to run from it.

14.  God is also teaching me the value of waiting on Him and choosing to walk in obedience to what He has asked of me while waiting.  I am not very good at this, and have to be reminded often, but I am working on it.  And He has no problems reassuring me of His sovereignty and that it will be worth it in the end.

15.  I love to have fun!  Recently I have rediscovered the ability to balance having fun with keeping up with all the things I am responsible for.  I cherish the refound ability to cut loose at times and just have fun.

16.  A great stress reliever for me is to paint.  When I owned my house, most rooms in the house had been painted at least three times, largely in part because of painting to relieve stress.  I also have been known to attack wallpapered walls after hearing something that upset me, or to suddenly have the desire to deep-clean the house.  Painting allows me time to talk things over to God and hand them all back over to Him...and the end result is that it no longer seems like such a big deal.

17.  One of the most helpful things that I have ever heard was the comment that even if I can't control anything else around me, I can control the way I react.  That comment changed a lot of the way that I look at things.  For the better.

18.  My favorite Sunday School lesson ever was based around a book that had something in the title about whispers and talked about how God wants to talk with us, to us, on a daily basis.  That He desires communication to us as much, if not more, then we desire to talk to Him.  It shook up my world and brought me closer to Him then I have ever been in my life.  My journaling time now has my thoughts/prayers to Him on one side of the page, and His back to me on the other!  I love it!

19.  I don't know what my future holds, and that is okay, because I truly know Who holds my future and that it all will be okay. 

20.  This one came out this weekend, so might as well put it out there for the whole world to know.  My second grade teacher gave me the nickname Beckles (and I had lots of freckles back then so you can imagine the fun that our class had with that).  Currently my daughters and my dad are the only ones who occasionally still use the nickname.  I also have been referred to as Beaker, Red, Mecky Beeker, Beckers, and many more.  (I think sharing this one reflects my desire to share laughter with others!)

Okay...day one done for me...feel free to leave your comments below!  Let me know if any of my random bean thoughts struck a cord with you... or if you think I left out something important/fun about myself feel free to share it.  :)

30 Things...

I got this idea from another blog, Hopes and Dreams, and hope that I can maybe kick myself back into gear with this blogging habit that used to be such a part of me, but has fallen to the wayside because of life and school.  The challenge, which I found on pinterest, was to use the following questions on dates or with friends to serve as a get to know you better sort of thing.  I really like the idea, and everyone knows that I don't mind being an open book.  I am not entirely sure what the answers to the  following questions will be, but will take it a day at a time...
Feel free to play a long if you want, and let me know, so that I can go read your answers.


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Trying to walk in obedience

For the report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil.  Romans 16:19

Personally, I think that walking in obedience to what God has asked of me and said to me, just might be one of my biggest struggles.  He doesn't ask the easy of us.  He asks that we be more like Him.  So, often what feels like God-sized obedience.  That being said, there is nothing more that I want, then for God to look at me, smile, and say that I chose in my life to walk in obedience to all that He asked of me...for His glory.
I don't want to be known for taking the easy way out.
I don't want to choose my own path in life and miss out on what God has for me.
I don't want my selfishness to hurt those around me that I care about.
And when God specifically tells me something, I need to simply choose to walk in obedience.
It will always be worth it!