Do you ever have one of those days that are so full and fun and filled with great friends...the kind of day that you would love to have every day? But then the very next day, everything seems hard, too much of a stretch, and way too quiet? I know that many Mondays are like that...back to the grind, and work, and real life after a weekend.
I am really feeling this one this week. The weekend was full of support from some great friends, helping me to work through an explosion of emotion on Friday night. Then an amazing discussion in small group Sunday morning, lunch with some of my favorite people, and super bowl party and reuniting with an "old" friend in a way that almost feels like no time has passed. Being able to help out in a time of need. And just kicking back with the family of friends God has put in my life.
So I shouldn't have been surprised when this morning's house hunt felt overwhelming and full of pressure. And it wasn't the houses fault, or my realtor's (God bless this woman abundantly!!!). Its the fact that as a single mom, my decisions can alter my girls' lives in a good way or bad way, but ultimately my responsibility to make good choices, depend fully on God to give me wisdom, and to be careful to make sure we aren't overextended. And then I come home, already having no clue how to think/feel/act, can't get a hold of the guy that is helping me try to get a preapproval, don't know whether I liked the house because it was just cute and in great shape or because it would be a good fit for us (and it wasn't quite as many square feet as I was hoping for, but at the tiptop of my price range), and sat down to pay the bills for the month. And the brain says it was a great house, but I would be a lot more comfortable with it if I was working full time, rather than part time.
I am trying so hard to walk in obedience to what I feel God is asking of me...and I am looking at houses, leaving it all in His hands, and watching to see what He is going to do next so that I can follow. I am trying not to dwell on how hard it is to try to make a big decision like this by "myself" without someone to verbally go back and forth with me about pros/cons. ANd I am trying oh so hard not to live in fear...of making the wrong choice, or of a 30 year commitment/debt.
Stressing about it doesn't help anything, and makes my asthma symptoms flare up horribly. I know that I know that I know, that God has a perfect plan, and will reveal each step for me, when it is time. So, I am not making any rash decisions, and I will wait to hear from Him. After all, He provides my finances!
