Discovery!

So, there has been a lot of self-discovery going on in my heart.  Times are tough, (we all have our own stories, so I won't go into mine) and I have had to work on fully trusting God.  You see, it is easy to SAY I am trusting Him, but lately in my quiet times He has been asking me if I trust Him.  After a couple of days of that, the surface saying it is so gets called on and tested if you will, and I began to wonder why He kept asking me.  My whole life has been flipped like a pancake, again.  And I have discovered that when it was just me, and there was no set income coming in, it wasn't as hard as facing that possibility with two girls who count on me for everything.  I think that yes, maybe I trusted Him more fully single-without-kids, then I had been doing single-with-kids.  So, opportunity after opportunity have come up to try this in me.  Am I truly going to trust Him and give Him free reign with everything?  Especially when what I am temporarily struggling with might be the very thing that God uses to save a soul?  That's kind of heavy.  After all, who am I to stand in His way?  Who am I to say that I need X amount to be comfortable and that is what I expect of you?  I am NOT God.  Nor would I ever want that job...b/c to me, it would seem like work. 
Just because I don't know WHAT He is doing, does not mean that He has stopped working.  Just because I have no clue what I am supposed to do, does not mean that He doesn't have the way already made for me.  I have to TRUST.  He flat out asked me, repeatedly, if I would trust.  I need to trust!
Coolest part of that, and yes, there is a cool part!  He enables me to do just that.  You see, on my own, I really can't.  I struggle with trust now.  It is a bi-product of giving someone the benefit of the doubt long after seeing repeated reasons not to.  It makes me wonder if I can trust my own judgment, which causes me to second-guess things.  And God knows that.  Guess what?  It doesn't make Him any less secure or make Him doubt Himself at all...nope, God can handle it!  He knows my current struggles and He knows that He is fixing me and healing my cracks, one day at a time.  He is willing to reassure me that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Do you hear that promise?  Do you know that you know that you know that He cannot lie and every promise He ever makes WILL come true!  I can trust that!  I can trust the God who's personality is the same at the time of creation, that it is today, and that it will be for every second of all eternity!  And every day, as I spend more time with Him, He enables me to keep trusting and to grow the trust.  He will NOT ask me to do a single thing, that He has not already enabled me to be able to do.  And as He told me this morning, there is not a single thing that is impossible for Him, and He lives in and through me...therefore, with His strength that is alive and working in me, I can do any and every thing that He ever puts in front of me to do.
How could I not trust Him?  Why would I want to try to do this in my own power, outside of Him?
Answer:  I wouldn't!

The power of prayer never ceases to amaze me.  If there is anything that I can be praying for/with you, please let me know!