Three hundred and sixty-five

Many of you have been with me on this journey since I decided I wanted to dedicate 365 days to God...without dating anyone.  Some of you have been with me since before, watching me fall on my face after attempting to date, and even before that when I was still married, and facing divorce.  Its been a crazy journey.  Especially this year that I set aside for God to do whatever He wanted with.  It hasn't been the most pleasant or carefree journeys.  There was some crazy growth, stretching, refining that had to go on.  I had to let go of a lot of fears, and just place every single detail in His hands.  He has walked every step with me, carrying me in ways I didn't even realize I needed.  He has built me up in a way I never dreamed possible, day by day.  He has worked hard with me to change the "tape" that plays in my head, filling it with His voice, over the voice that was already there.  He has filled my life with some amazing people who have made the decision to walk life with me, challenge me, speak belief into me, come alongside me, share their own stories, pray with and for me, and just be there.  One friend has been exposed to the very raw-est of me, and at times I expected her to throw her hands up in the air and say it's too much, and walk away...but she keeps reassuring me instead that she won't disappear and that she is loving what she sees God doing in me. (which literally just brought tears to my eyes thinking about the way she willingly walks this with me).  Another friend God brought into my life during this time to show me how to become better at going with the flow, accepting change, without letting it derail me...and also to practice boundaries on, and ultimately for God to use in my life to help me move past my blanket fear of guys.  Yet another friend, He has used repeatedly to challenge me so that I don't get stuck, who has come alongside me with hugs, prayers, and just listening and then calling me on the areas I so needed to work on with helpful steps on how to do that.  Then there is this other friend, that I have only been "living" life with since March, who has become someone that I can talk about the highs, the lows, the in betweens, the doubts, the thankfuls, the happys, the fears, the hopes, and just know that she is praying for me like I am praying for her.  Other friends He has used to show me that I am not alone, that He has some great new experiences out there for me, to cheer me on in this school adventure, to love on my kids with me, to share their own tricks on how to move past things, to just allow me to talk things all out.
It's not easy to be the only adult in the house.  But, I have discovered sometimes life is fuller this way.  I am surrounded by an absolutely fantabulous support team...people that are spread out around the United States, Missouri, and even the world.  Some of the people who encourage me and that God has used as my cheerleaders over this past 365 day adventure, I haven't even physically met.  Some of the circumstances surrounding the way He introduced me to some amazing people were things I would have never dreamed up on my own.  It is amazing to me the lengths that He is willing to go to meet every single little need in my life.
Originally, I was only setting aside one year...knowing that I needed time to heal and form a strong foundation in God that I would use for the rest of my life.  Halfway through He extended it out to November 5th, 2012...which is my last day of school.  Asking me to keep my main focus on Him, the girls, and school, without being sidetracked by trying to start a relationship.  At times, I honestly didn't know if I could even do the year, let alone the extra.  Not that there are any guys knocking down my door, but because I am human and like everyone else want to feel loved.  He has provided that for the love-need above and beyond anything I could have come up with...as you can see from the paragraph about my amazing friends/support team.
The key thing I have learned through all of this...besides the fact that He is more than willing to move heaven and earth to provide for me...is that He will ALWAYS be enough for me.  No matter what.  That He longs for a relationship with me, with two-way conversations, full of reassurances that I so desperately cling to...even more than we humanly long for "the one".  I would not trade this time with Him for anything in the world...nothing.
I love that I can look back at the scared woman that started this journey on June 5th, 2011...who just wanted to be able to hope and dream again without the fear that everyone eventually was going to get tired of her and walk away...and I can see growth, change, and a stronger woman.  I still have a long ways to go.  I am still very much a work in progress...but progress has been made!
I don't have a clue what my future holds...don't even know how to get everything accomplished today that needs to be done.  But, not only do I know WHO holds my future, I know that He is loving the opportunity to have free rein writing my story...that He delights in me and seeing me grow...that He has some great big God-sized plans for my life.  That fills me with hope, peace, and an excitement for life that I have never known.
Thank you!  Thank you for playing a part in this adventure that God has me on.  Thank you for every single way that He has already used you in my life, and every way that He will do so in the future.  Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.  May God bless your socks off!  :)