While I am excited to have no more homework to do, and love that I have reached that goal of finishing up something started so long ago, I am actually in awe and almost moved speechless by what God has done in and around me in the time He asked of me.
I started this journey on June 5th, 2011 after having built up a renewed friendship with a college buddy of mine that disappeared never to be heard from (by me) again. I knew that I was not healed enough to be attempting a relationship and needed to change my way of thinking. So at church on that June day, in my singles' group, I felt like God asked me if I would give HIM the next 365 days. I would love to say there was no hesitation on my part, but that is a huge commitment and while I knew that I needed that time with Him, it was a bit daunting. But I came home, journaled it all out to Him, and made the commitment. For the next 365 days, from that point, my focus was going to be Him, the girls, and homework...everything else was bonus and not focus.
During that time, a lot of life happened. Which repeatedly threw me right back into His arms where I needed to be. I learned how to journal to Him and listen to Him journal right back to me. Which changed my life forever. I learned how to better listen when people call me out on stuff, and then to go verify it with Him and see what parts He wanted me to learn from it. I learned that choosing happiness is within my ability, although it is definitely not always easy. I have been learning how to be a true friend and to have friendships that I hold very dear, and He is helping me to learn that not everyone walks away. He provided me with two amazing friends who have blessed my life beyond belief. He also provided me with two moms, and an accountability partner who together have teamed up with me to keep me growing and moving forward, and call me on my junk so that I don't get stuck on me. And sprinkled my life with friends across the state, and the nation that speak belief and encouragement into my life on a daily basis. I have walked through trials no one ever wants to experience, and He has shown me how strong He is. And I have been able to let go of so much hurt, to forgive things I never dreamed I would be asked to forgive, to dwell on thankfuls and encourage others to do the same, and to know how treasured I am in His eyes.
Somewhere among the time, He asked me to extend it out...so June came and went, I celebrated my one year anniversary with God (we did some on the months, too, but not as regular as I should have) and the set aside time did not end, nor did the need to focus on Him, the girls, and homework. The time was extended to today...Nov 5th, 2012. And the last 14 days of this time had a further challenge. He asked me to stop holding on to every single little thing. To release it and give it all to Him, and to watch what He would do with it. These days were hard, and I had to step back from pretty much all communication that I was so much enjoying, letting Him have time to work in my life with less distractions, and to truly trust Him with even the tiniest details. It was a really hard challenge, and one that made me look at everything in life in a different way. I was asked to work on maintaining a positive attitude even when the challenge was the most hard, and I did not succeed fully in doing that. A lot of the routine and extras the girls and I had come to really enjoy, did not exist in those weeks, but it made us so much more appreciative of the time we did have with our loved ones. And it truly opened my eyes to things I had maybe started to let get in the way a little. And it WAS challenging!
I am nowhere near where I want to be. But I am so thankful that I am further in the journey then I was June 5th, 2011. God has been doing some amazing things in my life, that I would have missed out on if I hadn't been clinging to Him, and open to growing. I have no idea what He might have for the rest of my journey, but I know without a doubt that He will always be by my side, and that I will love walking this out with Him. My future, every single tiny part of it is in His hands. He is free to do whatever He wants to with my life. It's all His.
