The most important one is my daughter. She is eleven and has dealt with sensory disorder since she was in kindergarten. In a way, it's how her inner self coped with outside circumstances beyond her control. It can send her into a tailspin of hopelessness and defeated living faster then I can say I love you. And no matter how hard I pray that she could find freedom from its hold on her, it continues to be her very real struggle. It truly effects her success in life most mornings, transforming a joyful spirit into a full out meltdown at the thought of having to put shoes on, or changing an outfit. We've discovered along the way, the necessity of changing the night before and allowing her to sleep in the clothes so that by morning she is used to the way it fits and rubs and touches her skin. But I have yet to discover a way to get around the shoe part of the morning. And it often leaves us both feeling destroyed before we even truly start the day. It's easier on days we don't have to go to school, because then she can take her time with it, or she can wear her cowboy boots without worrying about if its a pe day. Anyways, that gives you a glimpse into our daily struggles with this...back to where skating comes in.
When we are at the skating rink, she is able to forget, or move past, or whatever, the struggles she has with fit and feel and just is a carefree 11 year old who is having fun with her mom. Truly. She literally rushes to tighten the laces, stretch out, and then just be in the moments. Even when she's not skating, she's in an environment where she is known and accepted and can just be. It's truly like seeing the side of her that I wish everyone got the privilege of seeing. She's joyful and carefree and living towards others. It's truly priceless and it's where she comes alive. Where she pushes her own abilities and tries new skills until she masters them, like cross overs and getting super low for the limbo. She doesn't assume it's hopeless or comment that she can't. She tries and tries until she gains victory. She holds my hand and smiles up at me with that melt a mommas heart look of pure enjoyment and love on her face. For two hours every Tuesday night she loves life more then she dreads it.
That reason, more then any other, is why I push myself so hard and skate right after an injury is healed enough for me to be cleared. Why I kept going back even tho I kept getting hurt. Why I could listen to hours of ribbing and teasing and insist that I wasn't going to stop. That's what I am losing by giving up my skates after killing my knee yet again. It's not really the skating, it's the chance to be with my daughter when she isn't feeling defeated and hopeless...the one time a week that she is her happiest.
