Over the last year and a half, as part of my new normal, I have been inhaling almost every Christian Non-Fiction book I could check out from the library...anything that would help me to grow and accept life as it was rather than moaning and groaning that life didn't turn out like I expected. I knew, without a doubt, that I did NOT want to be the typical ex-wife...bitter and angry all the time. In fact, as I stated in Divorce Care Class last night, my goal is to be the best Ex-Wife out there...within my ability and God's grace. All that to say, over the last 18 months I have devoured book after book after book and filled up multiple spirals with notes.
This month's books included the following titles:
Desire: The Journey We Must Take to Find the Life God Offers by John Eldridge (Ch 9 was my fav!)
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (a re-read for me...read it in college...still just as powerful)
5 Little Questions: That Reveal the Life God Designed for You by Dannah Gresh
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not by Trish Ryan...great memoir about finding God and recovering from our own choices and consequences...highly recommend
A Maze of Grace by Trish Ryan...second book that follows up after the wedding... loved it!
And today I started Preparing to Be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl. Not that I am in any hurry to try marriage again...the opposite is true...but when/if the time comes...I want to be a lot more prepared to be the woman, wife, and mom that God knows I can be. (The main reason I am using this stage of my life to read and learn and grow...who knows if I will ever have this chance again!)
Here was a comment that grabbed my attention...a couple was sharing their very different way that they had gotten together...and it made me wonder what someone would learn about me by reading my blog.
"I searched the internet to find anything she might have written to anyone. I found her blog and read all her posts. If I had read flirty nonsense, or noted anything that lacked chastity in her manner, or seen pictures that alerted me to anything off color, I would have dismissed her." p32
This notation was made by another guy at the bottom of the page...
"The nature of someone's speech tells a lot about them and where their life is headed. There are distinct differences in the speech of a person who directs their life (proactive/wise) and someone who lets their life direct them (reactive/foolish). The reactive individual talks of wishes and hopes whereas a proactive individual talks of plans with definitive action. The reactive individual talks of people, things, gossip and 'tabloid' news whereas a proactive individual talks about concepts, opportunities and meaningful current events. The fool's speech consists of vain, babbling, flattering, and slander whereas the wise speak of righteousness, praise and wisdom... You cannot direct your life with words of nonsense and back-biting and expect a life of blessing and meaningfulness. What subjects fill your conversations?" p32
I have to say...this makes me think. What if the person God has for me was reading my blog to learn more about me? What would they learn? Do I use this platform to share my love and passion for my Savior and what He is doing in my life? Do my posts point to God and how He is redeeming my story? Or is it all just fluff...look at me and what I am doing to fill my days? I hope and pray that it is not something that would make someone feel sorry for my situation...because there is not anything there that someone should pity me for. I have struggles and fears and am even starting to have some hopes and dreams again. But I don't have anything that God didn't allow...and it has all done the one thing that is most important...brought me back to God and to a place of full reliance on Him. The place I probably should have been the whole time.
I no longer have the posts from my original blog...the posts where I grieved the loss of my marriage and the loss of my last grandparent. Where I shared from the deep places inside me and hopefully showed how God was healing and changing me for the better. And there was part of me, this go 'round, after having the last blog ripped apart, hacked into, and thrown back in my face so many times that I was hesitant to share anything real. But that changes now. I am not a girl of fluff! There are important things happening in my life that might make someone else's journey a little easier just in knowing they aren't alone. I am exploring and learning and growing...being stretched and molded into the person that God knows I can become. I am human...I screw up, sometimes royally...but I am trying.
Want to stay on this journey with me? Want to leave me a comment sharing your thoughts on my journey so far? Feel free! Without the friends God has blessed my life with, I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am right now...He has used them to help shape, mold, and correct me in such a loving manner (most times loving anyways!)
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. Philippians 1:6
