My life is a gigantic paradox. Especially in 2012.
I am the gal that wears jeans, hoodies, and flipflops, but about once a month crave dressing up, including heels.
I either hang out with my small group from church, or with the men on the Cowtown Butchers.
I went from being a college student who worked on homework up to ten hours a day five days a week, to incredible free time.
I have had some HUGE ups, and some INSANE challenges this year.
It seems like its either sunny and gorgeous, or its freakin' monsooning.
And sometimes the extreme differences are a bit overwhelming.
I am spoiledly blessed with an amazing support team that has overwhelmed me lately with their provision and generosity towards me (and constant support and belief in me). And on the flipside, I am dealing with repercussions of some super hard things to deal with AND timing of my landlord's big announcement.
On Saturday, a handful of guys from my church came and redid the back deck, making it safe again. On Monday, my landlord announced that he can no longer afford to have two houses and needs to put this one on the market before something big happens that he can't afford to fix. The overwhelming blessing of the deck was quickly swallowed up by a back door that wouldn't close and pretty much caved in on us Saturday night, and then the feeling of a home being sold out from under us.
And this is just today's stuff. My best friend is spending yet another of his evenings trying to finish up the back door, and patch up what caved in, on a house that I will probably have to move out of sooner than I had hoped.
I just wanted to get T through middle school, and let H finish up her elementary years at the same school. But we don't always get what we want. And I have been learning that loud and clear this year. Not only that, but so much can happen in this life that is not fair, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright scary.
But here's the other thing I have been learning lately. God can use the not fair, the uncomfortable, the downright scary, to work things out the way that He knows is best. He doesn't have to run it by us first, or get our approval, He just walks right beside us and helps us through.
How do I know that?
Well, for one its Biblical. Just look at the story of Joseph. But also, I have seen Him do it over and over in my life. He is always moving, always working behind the scenes, always getting me ready for the next step of faith.
Do I have a clue what comes next? Nope.
But I know that even in this, He has a plan, a purpose, and can use it for my good.
Is it nerve-wracking? Yep.
But its not the end of the world.
Does it seem like this year has already had enough challenges on its own? Honestly, one of the things I said when I was crying talking to my mom today was that I didn't understand the timing of this, or how come God thinks I am strong enough for more this year.
But, He knows me better than I know myself. And maybe its just time.
Do I know where I am going or the timing this will all happen? Nope. Not a clue.
But I have an amazing support team that is already praying about all of this, and coming alongside me with Scripture reminders, encouraging words, and love for the girls and I.
Does the timing of this stink? You betcha.
But God can use even that.
Biblical hope (we just had a whole sermon on it Sunday, and y'all know that hope is my all time favorite word a part of my life verse--Jer 29:11-14) is rock solid confidence in who God is and what He can do. Knowing that He WILL do as He has promised. Providing hope even when it looks like things are hope-less. He tells us over and over in the Bible that change and restoration is coming, things are going to get better, and even the hardest of times can be used by Him for our good.
So, yes...my life can be one gigantic paradox...but He is still working!
