So, in the last week I read a book that talked all about how God has these secret names for us that remind us of the potential and power that we find in Him alone. And that each of us have different "secret names" and the only person who can tell us our secret name is God. That He tells us in order to build us up, whispers it to our heart, and we have to listen and choose to believe, and He will use that name to help us when we are down, remind us of who we are in Him, what He wants to do in our lives, give us something personal to cling to...etc.
Before I go any further, I need to share one small piece of background that is slightly important. I love Mandisa...I think she has an amazing witness and writes powerful songs that mean the world to people. I applaud her for the creativity she has and the way God is using her. And I have absolutely NOTHING against her newest single Overcomer. It's an amazing song, with powerful lyrics. It just was talked about so much before hand, it seems like it is played on my favorite station every hour, but my biggest problem is I just don't want to like the song. I have an attitude problem.
You see, I am tired of being strong or being thought of as strong. I am just plain tired. I don't want to be this tired, cranky, overcome person. I don't want to be negative or bitter. I just want to be happy and content where God has me. I want to grow. I don't want to be stuck. And yet, that is a huge battle for me right now. Every day (ask my accountability partners, they can vouch for this), I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other right now and do what has to be done. I don't understand why things happen the way they do, I just keep begging God to remind me that He hasn't changed, He still has plans for me, and He is working even when I can't see it. And boy is He faithful to do this.
Anyways, back to the secret names thing. The book encouraged me to be real and broken before God and allow Him to whisper to my soul. And I thought, perfect timing to read this book, God, because I am laying here at Your feet, face down, broken. You know the point, when everything you thought you knew ended up being not as true as you thought, or the complete opposite of what it appeared to be. That kind of moment. I ate the book up. There were just so many parts of it that resonated deep down. I didn't have the guts to ask God for my secret name. But there was one word repeatedly whispered to me, as I read, the thought of it had already been there for quite awhile before this just phrased in a different manner...I have heard myself say "I always bounce back". because time and time again I have seen God carry me through and help me bounce right back. The one word, and He still is repeating it to me...Overcomer. He's made me an overcomer...He has made it possible for me to continue to overcome...He even had me read all these verses in Revelation that talked about those who overcome. Before I even read the Secret Name book, I was already in the process of reading Revelation and circling the word overcome, every time I ran across it...which was a lot.
Because I am human, there's that part of me that balks. Even as I have chills at the realization He was already working on telling me this before I even knew to listen for it. Being an overcomer comes with a cost. It already has. There is so much in my story that He has had to seriously carry me through because no one can walk this stuff on their own...they need Him and the people He uses in their lives to see them through events like that, and there have been many in my story. I often tell a very abridged version of my story when sharing, because I don't want the looks of shock or pity or wow, I can't believe you have been through one of those things let alone more than one. As a human being, I would love the excuse to stop trying...to just spend a whole day or more in bed and not keep fighting to move forward. But along with the cost, there is privilege. The honor of seeing my story redeemed as He uses it to help someone else who is struggling through one of those tough life events. The honor of letting Him shine through every facet of the story He has allowed me to live, to share Him and what He can do through every one of those moments and how He helps us come to the other side of it stronger then we started.
Yeah, I am TIRED. This road is tough. I have cried more in the last 10 days then I probably have in 4 years. I have a crazy life story. But I also was chosen by Someone who loves me in a crazy, unfathomable way, and never tires of writing my story for me...and adding twists and plots that bless my socks off and help me to remember what He is doing for me. He makes me an Overcomer...because that is what I am IN HIM. He chooses to use me in all my broken and messed-up-ness. He arranges for every single thing I need. He chose me to be His.
